


Fix You

by Haikygyuu



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends Choi Beomgyu & Choi Yeonjun, Childhood Friends, Heartbreak, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, beomjun - Freeform, yeongyu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:26:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26922097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haikygyuu/pseuds/Haikygyuu
Summary: Yeonjun is just a broken toy, Beomgyu knows it.He knows how the boy's heart is used, tired of being abandoned by all his previous owners.He knows it even more as he's the one collecting the falling pieces, waiting for the right moment to put them all back together.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 16
Kudos: 55





	Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi ! 
> 
> Before we start, I would like to dedicate this to one of my dearest friends, whom I'm so, so grateful for helping me and always finding the right words in my darkest times. Megan, thank you so much for being my ray of hope.

Yeonjun is just a broken toy.

Beomgyu knows it.

He knows it better than anyone else, even more as he holds the boy a bit closer to him, allowing himself to nuzzle his head in Yeonjun’s back, slowly taking in the familiar scent of his washing; embracing the slightest touch of his warmth he could get.

Beomgyu is the only one to know this, how fragile Yeonjun is at night, when the world and his constantly fighting mind are asleep, his empty heart finally taking a rest from the long and exhausting hurt it’s making inside his chest all day long.

Beomgyu knows it perfectly, because he saw every piece of him breaking in front of his eyes, little by little, without ever being able to reach out until he couldn’t stand on his own two feet anymore.

Or when he finally grabbed him, it was too late.

Beomgyu waited his whole life for Yeonjun to be _his_. He was like a little boy wishing for the same toy every Christmas, continuously, never moving on until he was satisfied. He was okay with it, he didn’t mind waiting because he knew that he would be the happiest kid in the world once he would finally call Yeonjun his. And Beomgyu did an amazing job. He did a great job for years actually, ignoring this strange and oppressive feeling inside his ribcage when he looked at other kids playing with it first, or owning it before him, proudly showing off when he was the one with empty hands.

Yeonjun taught Beomgyu a bit later that what he felt inside, was called _jealousy_.

He always taught him new words and made him experience new and foreing feelings.

He did a great job at loving him from afar, always and never giving up on this tiny ray of hope that kept on growing a bit more inside his stomach as the years slowly passed by.. The fact is that he was so good at it, that maybe, it cost Yeonjun’s heart to break

Beomgyu also scored perfect in acting, the boy was so good that he managed to always act like his heart wasn’t tightening inside his chest whenever he picked up a broken piece, trying his best to treasure it and keep it together, suppressing all his previous emotions to only cherish it with love.

But as you can guess, he never had the guts to cherish them with the kind of love that Yeonjun was waiting for. 

The thing is, Beomgyu never actually dared to fix Yeonjun, terrified at the thought of breaking him even more if he wasn’t gentle enough, or if his love wasn’t deep and strong enough for the boy.

What was more terrifying than destroying someone who only needed to be fixed ?

  
He never got to repair him, because in the end, Beomgyu would end up being the villain of the story; multiplying the broken pieces by thousands when the only thing he ever wanted and wished for was to put them all back together.

And he deeply knew that he would never survive that.

He couldn’t risk creating a new scratch on the wood when all he ever wanted was to cover all the previous ones with a brand new and fresh paint.

That’s why, when came the time for Beomgyu to receive his dreaming toy, after years and years of waiting; he never dared to put his hands on it.

Because Yeonjun himself didn’t want to be fixed by anyone anymore.

Because when Beomgyu's turn came, Yeonjun broke in his own two hands.

Why would he not give it a try you would say ? Because Yeonjun was the only the most beautiful person Beomgyu had ever seen, he was flawless, he was like a soft song before going to sleep. He was a halt during the harsh race that was his life.

He was the only person that made him feel complete.

Beomgyu never would never have enough of Yeonjun, and he didn’t need anything more than him in his life either.

He was like your very first breath of oxygen, once you’ve taken it, you cannot go back. Because you can’t live without oxygen, it’s a scientific fact, it’s how humans work.

Yeonjun was Beomgyu’s first breath of oxygen in this mad world.

It was as simple as that, once the elder entered his life, Beomgyu couldn’t picture himself in a frame without him anymore.

And he couldn’t take the risk of losing that.

The elder boy had always been there for Beomgyu, he was the first one that explained to him what was a friend, and showed him how it was like to have one.

Yeonjun always taught Beomgyu new words.

_“Why are you crying ? Do you not have any friends here ?” he asked, tilting his head, curious._

_It was their very first day of school, and Beomgyu was alone in a corner of the playground, way too shy and scared to interact with other kids. He was terrified because he knew, and had no one at that time._

_Beomgyu sniffled, rubbing his eyes “What’s a friend ?”, he asked._   
_Yeonjun sat next to Beomgyu, putting a hand on his shoulder._

_“ A friend…. mmmh do you really not know what it is ?”_

_Beomgyu shook his head._

_“It’s easy ! It’s someone whom you have fun with when you play ! Hmm let me think.. ah ! I know ! Friends also tell each other secrets, and they’re here for you when you need someone… Like if someone hurt you for example, they will always try their best to keep you safe. But friends don’t hurt each other, they hurt the others together. Yeah ! That’s how it works, that’s a friend !”_

_Six years-old Beomgyu stayed fixated on the boy’s face, intrigued by that lively explanation and captivated by how the stranger’s eyes were shining so brightly. “But hurting others is bad'' was the only answer he found himself blurting out before and the elder bursted out in laughter, ruffling his hair._

_“Huh, you’re right…. So ..do you want me to show you how it is to have a friend ? I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine ! We’ll have each other !”_

_And ever since Yeonjun grabbed Beomgyu’s hand that day, the boy knew he would never let go of this warmth for a long, long time._

_“I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine !”_ Beomgyu thought. But were they really ?

_________________________

Feelings are difficult to handle.

They always feel so heavy on Beomgyu’s shoulder that sometimes, he even felt like it was hurting him, pushing him down the ground a bit more every day. They were oppressive, foreing and stressful, as if they were at the wrong place at the wrong moment.

And of course Beomgyu knows that, even if he tries everyday, he probably won’t ever get rid of them. But does he want to, really ?

Feelings are also difficult to acknowledge and comprehend. It took Beomgyu a lot of time and sleepless nights to understand the emotions and feelings he had for his best friend.

 _Jealousy_ was the first one.

_“ Hey, Jun, do you also sometimes feel angry because you think that you should be the one owning something that someone else has ? Or that it’s very unfair because you really want it but you don’t have it ?” ten years-old Beomgyu asked, munching on his sandwich during lunch break, enjoying the few minutes he could spend with Yeonjun before he had to go back to his new girlfriend._

_“Mhh, yeah of course. That’s either envy or jealousy, but if you feel like it’s really unfair and it’s hurting you a bit, then it’s definitely jealousy”. Yeonjun said, locking his eyes into Beomguyu’s, stopping himself from crushing into his sandwich._

_“Why ? Are you jealous Gyu ? Of who or what-”_

_“No, I'm not !” the younger cut him off, his ears flushing red at how he exposed himself._

_“It’s okay to be”, Yeonjun laughed, “means that you’re aware of what you have and what you don’t have. You can allow yourself to be jealous as long as you work hard to get the things you want in the end” he said. And once again, he ruffled Beomgyu’s hair. He always did this whenever he explained something to him._

_“You have to be careful with this emotion, and never let it eat you from the inside, because if you do, you will end up being a bad person.” he also said, lowering his voice._

_“Just like my dad”. This time, it was only a whisper._

_“You’re gonna work hard right ? Promise me” Yeonjun softly pinched Beomgyu’s cheeks._

_“ ‘Course I will”._

Yeonjun always taught Beomgyu new words.

But now that Yeonjun was asleep in his arms, holding Beomgyu close just so he could replace the warmth from one of his numerous love conquests with the younger’s, only for him not to feel too lonely and depressed; did Beomgyu really never let that emotion take over him ? Did he give his best to get what he wanted ?

Was his jealousy fair ?

He sighed. Of course he didn’t.

Because the only thing he did was observing Yeonjun from afar, watching him chasing after the one and only thing he desperately wanted and looked for: the warmth of someone offering to hold him tight, genuinely loving him, offering him the love that his parents never raised him with.

Because even as a child, Yeonjun was already a puzzle with some missing pieces. 

His parents never once raised him with love or gentleness, busy with work, having some more important business to do. He grew up lonely, his full and pure heart waiting for someone who could take in what he had to offer. 

Yeonjun tried to complete himself in a lot of different ways, experiencing loads of different relationships just so he could absorb every little spark of love someone would offer him.

He never stopped looking for the missing pieces in the crowd of people that came into his life, hoping that one day, he would find them.

And it worked at first, Beomgyu noticed how Yeonjun always was the happiest when he was with someone, when his love and trust belonged to someone who was dear to him. He noticed how the puzzle looked his best when it was complete.

But of course, a puzzle is a fragile thing. If you make one wrong move, or if you get bored of it, you break it again. And most of the time, if you’re not careful, you lose pieces in the process.

And so, Yeonjun broke. Again, and again.

Beomgyu’s best friend had tons of boyfriends and girlfriends before, all partners coming into his life, and entering these kinds of relationships tainted with promises of staying together for a long time and loving each other more than anything else in the world… blah, blah, blah. And of course, each one of his relationships was a bit more disappointing than the one before, each one bit more auto-destructive for the boy than the previous one.

By the urge of throwing himself in the arms of someone, taking in warmth and love, receiving attention and closeness, Yeonjun ended up losing the screws of his mechanism, little by little, until his legs weren’t stable enough to support the weight of his heart anymore.

Each partner he had broke their promises and betrayed the love he showered them with with an excuse such as “I’m sorry, I thought we would work out fine but.. I can’t do this anymore”, or a “I’m sorry I don’t love as much as you do.. we probably should end it here”.

The pretty and colorful puzzle started losing pieces slowly, the less important ones; which didn’t really matter because we could still see how pretty and breathtaking the picture was through the holes. 

But as the years and the heartbreaks passed by, it became hopeless wanting to complete the puzzle because it didn’t have a reference picture anymore.

And Yeonjun decided to stop looking for the missing pieces for his own good, because they were too many to take care of.

He started in a frame just to end up in a dusty box.

And, as you can guess, right when Beomgyu could’ve made his way inside, the box was closed.

Yeonjun is just a broken toy.

Beomgyu knows that.

And everyday, he wishes that he could repair him, everyday, he wishes he could tell him how his heart feels like it’s about to explode in his ribcage whenever he lays his eyes on him, or how his breath always ends up being stuck in his throat whenever Yeonjun holds him close during these lonely nights when he steals the temperature of Beomgyu’s body glued to his own.

  
Everyday, he wishes he could tell him how adorable and loveable he is, how happy and complete he makes him feel.

And everyday, he wishes he could tell him how much he loves him.

 _Love_ was the second one. 

_“Hey, want to cuddle ?” Beomgyu looked at Yeonjun wiping away the few tears that were rolling down his face, flinching at the little pain he suddenly felt inside his chest._

_Yeonjun’s lips trembled and his eyes sparkled in tears, softly nodding. No need to tell him twice, Beomgyu went to sit next to Yeonjun, letting his back slide against the bed. He opened his legs and yeonjun immediately found his way to the younger’s lap, pressing his back against Beomgyu’s chest, nuzzling his head on his shoulder._

_Beomgyu wiped one of the boy’s tears with his thumb, his other arm looped around the older’s waist; waiting for him to be ready to talk._

_“What happened ?”, he asked once the boy seemed to have calmed down a bit._

_Yeonjun took a little while before answering, closing his eyes._

_“He left me”. And he started sobbing again. Beomgyu tightened his hold around Yeonjun’s waist a bit more, lacing his fingers in his best friend's for him to take in a bit of his warmth, for him to embrace the heat of someone who’s there for him._

_“Why ?”_

_“Because I loved him too much, he said”. “Never knew that loving someone could be a bad thing”, Yeonjun pestered to himself._

_“What do you mean by too much ? How did it feel loving him ?” Beomgyu wondered._

_“He made me feel happy, and I always laughed a lot when we were together. I trusted him, way more than what I should’ve but he was easy to be with. He was pretty, and everything he did was cute somehow, I always ended up finding myself wanting to spend more time with him. He was a bit addictive to be with”. Yeonjun stopped for a minute. “Maybe that was too much”._

_“So that’s what you mean by being in love with someone ?” Yeonjun slowly nodded, yawning after all this crying and hurt._

_But the thing is, Beomgyu always thinks the same whenever he’s around the older._

_Thinking about it, maybe he was also loving Yeonjun too much._

Yeonjun always taught Beomgyu new words.

He realizes now that he loves (too much) everything about Yeonjun, from the tone of his voice to the way his eyes furrow in happiness whenever the elder laughs. He loves the smell of his shampoo, and the way he always checked if the door was locked twice before leaving. He also loves how the older always hides under a blanket whenever they watch a horror movie during one of their late movie nights, but he still keeps on pretending that he’s absolutely not scared.

Beomgyu loves him happy, bold, annoying and responsible. He loves him surrounded and he loves him lonely.

He loves him complete and he loves him broken.

Tomorrow, he will love him with someone new.

Each day, he loves him differently.

Even so, he can’t bring himself to take the risk of fixing him with the wrong screw.

_________________________

People’s lives are basically based on decisions they take following the emotions they feel in the heat of the moment.

Someone’s emotions will be reflected by the choices they make and the path they decide to follow, every second of their lives.

Beomgyu always finds it crazy how they influence every tiny bit of his existence.

Tonight again, he can feel Yeonjun snuggling up against his frame, burying his head in the back of his neck, holding him close. Beomgyu doesn’t even need to think twice, he already knows that something happened, because Yeonjun only comes whenever he’s desperate, craving for someone to hold close to him.

He only comes when he’s lonely.

“What happened ?” Beomgyu murmurs, his voice a bit deeper than usual as the boy just woke him up.

“I’m lonely”, the blue haired boy answers.

“It’s 4 am Jun..” Beomgyu rubs his eyes, tired.

“Okay then, it’s 4 am and I’m lonely,” Yeonjun repeats, whinging.

“Where’s Youngsoo ?”

Yeonjun doesn’t answer.

_Oh._

“You broke up with him didn’t you ?” the elder flinches.

“I couldn’t bring myself to love him. Gyu, why can’t I open up again ? What’s wrong with me ?” he asks, tightening his hold around Beomgyu’s waist. “ Why is it that every time I think I’m healed, I break a bit more ?” the blue-haired boy swallows hardly, trying to hold in his sorrow a bit longer.

“Why do I keep on waiting ? I’ve been waiting my whole life and I’m tired Gyu, so tired.”

Beomgyu turned around, facing the boy he loved for so long now, his heart skipping a beat at how freaking gorgeous Yeonjun was, even in the darkness of his room.

“Everything in life is about time, I know how hard it is Jun, but you have to be patient. Your time will come, hm ?” the smaller boy wipes a tear that finally escaped from Yeonjun’s mournful eyes and made his way down his puffy cheek. “Just don’t be an idiot like me and keep on chasing after them, never loosen up your grip once you caught them”.

Yeonjun sniffles.

“I can’t love anymore, I’m broken Gyu”, he grips Beomgyu’s shirt tight, so tight that Beomgyu thinks that the fabric might rip between his fingers if he doesn’t relax a bit. He doesn't say a word though. “Why can’t anyone love me ? fuck.. I’m so lonely” and he broke down.

Yeonjun was finally allowing himself to let out all the emotions he bottled up during all these years of hoping, of hurting, of waiting. He cried his empty broken heart out, letting his body speak for him, his emotions and feelings taking over him.

It was hurting, it was painful, and it was pitiful. And that’s the kind of person Beomgyu let Yeonjun become, only because he was a coward.

And it suddenly hits him while he looks at his collection of bright and colorful puzzle pieces.

How much of an asshole he is for treasuring them, collecting them one by one instead of putting them all back together when he had the possibility to do it such a long time ago.

How he’s the main reason for Yeonjun’s break.

He feels like crying suddenly, the guilt going all the way up to his throat, punishing him by taking his breath away. He tried his best to swallow, slowly, closing his eyes.

And it suddenly comes hitting him and his heart even more that if he’s the main owner of the pieces, he’s the only one who can make the puzzle complete again. It comes to him as evidence that if Yeonjun was still waiting, it was because Beomgyu never dared to show up.

  
“I love you Yeonjun”, Beomgyu’s lungs finally allows him to breathe, the weight from his shoulders flying away as he cups the older’s cheeks in his hand, his thumb slowly and softly rubbing his wet skin. “Fuck if only you knew how much I do love you”.

The blue-haired boy’s lips parted, his breath being taken away as he tries to comprehend what’s happening at the moment. His mind is a mess, his heart is a mess, he is a mess.

“What are you saying-”

“I’m in love with you, Yeonjun”, Beomgyu says more confidently, getting off his chest what he should’ve done years ago. “I’ve always been in love with you, from the first time you held my hand to the last time you held me close to you. And I’m so fucking sorry for never telling you, I’m such an idiot for never telling you but I was scared, so scared of hurting you Jun. I couldn’t take that risk but I can’t bear to see you like that anymore, not when it’s all my fault”.

There's silence for a moment.

“I’m sorry for loving you from afar when you were so close to me all this time”.

And Yeonjun takes a moment before answering, shaking his head.

“You can’t love me. And if there’s one thing I won’t ever allow you to do to yourself, is that”, he murmurs, wiping a tear from the younger’s cheek this time.

“You can’t love me, because you know that I will never be able to love you back. You can’t love me, because In the end, I will always be the bad guy. I won’t ever let you put all of yourself into something that could risk to break you just as much as I'm broken, into something that I won’t ever be able to give you back”. Yeonjun loosens his grip on Beomgyu’s shirt and sits up, letting the cold of the wall hitting against his back. “It’s not that I don’t want to, fuck how god knows how I wish I could love someone. How I wish I could know how it feels to love someone, and to be loved back. To love someone so much that everytime you see them you feel your inside tremble from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, just like in these movies we watched together so many times”.

Beomgyu’s tears keep on flooding, so much that he feels like he’s slowly drowning in them, his heart sending him alarm signals.

“Yeah, you can’t love me, because I’m nothing more than a broken toy, Gyu, you know that. How I used to be perfectly defined, sparkly and brand new, curious of where all the adventures the one that played with me would lead me to; would make me live, and the feelings that it would make me feel”.

Yeonjun shakes his head, refusing to lock his eyes in the younger’s. Not when he’s probably breaking his heart at this exact moment.

“I ended up in pieces, Beom. Tired, used and ruined by all these overwhelming adventures, all these way too powerful feelings. I was repaired though, slowly but abruptly, suddenly but still, always with care and patience. I was sure I was repaired”.

Beomgyu keeps on shaking his head, tears overflowing from his tired eyes, the guilt eating him up.

“Please stop… please” he almost begs the older.

“I thought I could stand on my two feet again, proud of myself, still not so sure to be ready for another adventure, but I thought that maybe, if the chance came passing by, I would just take it… I really thought I was repaired. But when I tried to stand on my two feet again, I lost my balance”.

“No”, Beomgyu shakes his head again, disappointed at himself for ruining such a beautiful person's life.

“And I fell down”.

Both were crying now, their loud sobs breaking in the quiet of the night.

“But even broken toys are loved by someone... Because Yeonjun, if someone really cares enough, they’ll put it back together”. Beomgyu cups the broken boy’s cheek, his heart aching, almost ripping inside his ribcage. “I promise I’ll try my best, if only you trust me enough. I’m sorry I took so long, I’m sorry I never told you before because I was scared to hurt you even more if I wasn’t good enough”.

Yeonjun stays silent, finally locking his teary eyes into the younger’s, listening.

“I can’t erase your scars or your scratches, and I won’t try to erase them either. Every toy has a story right ? I can only try to make sure you won’t ever get some new ones”.

“But I’m scared”, the blue-haired boy murmurs.

“And so am I.. but I don’t mind if you end up breaking my heart, or if you end up being the one leaving me. Because deep down, I know it’s worth loving you”.

“I don’t want you to ever stop loving me, Gyu”.

And that’s enough for the both of them to give in, the two of them leaning closer, desperate for their lips to meet after all these years of unsaid words and painful feelings. Beomgyu instantly melts into the kiss, his lips pressing and slotting with Yeonjun’s plush and cloudy soft lips perfectly; following his moves just like the lyrics of a song they know by heart. It feels natural and easy to kiss him, warm as if their lips were already familiar with each other.

Beomgyu’s senses are taking over his mind, he finds himself only able to focus on Yeonjun’s touch on his waist and his hand losing itself in his messy hair, gently playing with his curls at his nape. He couldn’t think of anything else than the smell of Yeonjun’s soft cologne and his lavender shampoo, the sounds of their mouths dancing together in a perfect rhythm and the little groans that escaped from the older’s as he deepened the kiss. He loses himself at how their first kiss tastes like salty tears and vanilla, and how perfect Yeonjun looks from up close.

How come it took them so long to get to this point ?

When they both part, Yeonjun collapses against Beomgyu’s frame, out of breath from the kiss they just shared. Beomgyu wonders if he felt it too, that electric signal that went all the way down to his chest when their lips connected, when Beomgyu’s heart started feeling up Yeonjun’s empty one.

“Mine”, Beomgyu murmurs, playing with a few strands of blue hair between his fingers.

“Yours ?” Yeonjun lifts up his head, his eyes sparking and his heart trying to reassure itself.

Beomgyu nods, leaning in for a quick peck on the older’s lips. “Mine”.

Yeonjun is just a broken toy.

Beomgyu knows it.

He knows it better than anyone else as he holds the boy tight in his arms, snuggling up his body a bit closer, craving for Yeonjun’s body temperature.

He knows it even more because he’s the one who will make him stand on his two feet again. He knows it perfectly because now, he’s finally allowed to fill in the holes of the puzzle.

Yeonjun is just a broken toy.

But he had never been loved so dearly than when his heart finally belonged to his one and only owner.

**Author's Note:**

> Before you leave, I would like to say a few words, that might probably appear useless but I feel like mentioning it. This fic was actually a way for me to express a lot of my bottling up feelings through both the characters of Yeonjun and Beomgyu, and made its way very close to my heart because it feels very personal. It kind of feels like you've just read my diary ! 
> 
> I also wrote this at 2 am so, whatever. 
> 
> lot of love and beomjuns, 
> 
> Clem.


End file.
